From a recent DailyOM:
"Spring is a time to reinvent ourselves. We can give birth to a new life for ourselves and start fresh. All a tiny seed needs to sprout is soil, sun, and rain. All we need is a willing heart. During these first days of Spring, know that you are in perfect balance and give yourself the nutrients to not only grow, but to blossom in all your glory."

Last night I lay in bed meditating before allowing myself to fall asleep. Something from my subconscious bubbled up and came to mind, but before I go in to that I want to clarify something I feel strongly about.

Moments like those remind me that we all have a higher-self, a super-consciousness if you will, the center of our infinite selves with eternal access to the Akashic Record, or the sum total of all human experience and consciousness throughout time. When we connect with our higher selves, we find we have all the answers to all of the questions we could possibly ask. It's easy to forget we have this kind of power, because we're human, live in a human world day-to-day, and have grown very accustomed to the limitations that come with physical incarnation. The time involved to develop the ear for hearing our higher selves is different for every person, as it has more to do with your willingness to hear it than any kind of inherent ability. Anyone can do it. They simply must have the need, or the will.

That said, in bed, and at peace, my subsciousness made contact with my higher self, and I found I could ask the questions at the forefront of my mind consciously. (Are you still with me?) I asked of my higher self what guidance it could offer to help me achieve my goals. Some deep breathing passed, and being as tired as I was the answers didn't take long to emerge. "Seek the joy in the process."

This made complete sense to me. But it was my question, and my answer.

My next question was how was I to deal with my own self-doubts, my own attempts to derail my success. "Focus on your joy, not on the possibility of failure. Realize the joy of success before it happens, and let it guide you through your difficulties." I translated this to mean: imagine what it would feel like to notice progress, to feel pride in yourself for your accomplishments, to avoid the habit of negativity.

My profundity of the day: listen to yourself, you have all your own answers.

I've dropped another 2 pounds. All feels good. We're just transitioned into the waxing moon cycle, so it's time to hit the exercise a little harder, and keep the food intake moderate-to-high, but healthful.

Reality Check: I've had a glance at my bar tab of late, and hoo-whee, Houston we have a problem. I'm drinking at levels that are surprising even to me. It's time to slow down not because I think I have a problem, but because it's just an amount that surprises me. I'm off the booze until next weekend. Whenever I first get back into regular exercise, I tend to drop between 4-8 pounds in the first week alone. Basically shedding my immediately excess water weight. But not this time. I'm pretty sure my hooch consumption is the reason. Next check in in 2 weeks. I'll know for sure then if it's the culprit.

Kelly is not a pufferfish. (See below.)

She does however bear a striking resemblance after she has her bath. I'm still learning to anticipate when she'll attempt her impersonation. I'll get you a picture as soon as I wring the water out of the camera.

It would seem my credit union has a new security measure in place for safe access to your personal information on their website. After inputing your UserID, you click Login and get this:

"The picture and text below is your CUOnline secret PassMark. We will show you this before asking for your password every time you login. When you see this PassMark, you can be sure that you are at the genuine Stanford Federal Credit Union CUOnline".

Now click on the picture below to see what I saw...

My `PassMark' is a picture of tropical fruit...How appropos. My brain farts trying to wrap around how `Smart Truck' fits in with their Big Brother-esque Psychic Eye view into my personal life, but hey? braaaap. Excuse me - brain fart.

Blessed be. Kelly's results are negative.
Here's to the next 60 years, baby...

To have a dream that your bird is frolicking with a macaw in a big cage, playing with toys, preening each other, having a grand old time...on the same day you're likely to hear back from the Vet if that could ever safely happen...

Ug. Hope that can happen some day.

Of course, the latter part of the dream, that which bubbled from the primordial soup comprising the reptilian portion of my brain, produced a short storyline of Kelly laying a perfect white egg. Which before my eyes slowly turned into a small white poodle. Replete with little blue bow. Curse you Mother.

Kelly's 10-day stint of antibiotics has passed, and oddly enough, even after the tension and worry that came when I first heard they were necessary, I miss them. Kelly will, too. Dr. Sanders looked at me askance when I said Kelly adored the peanut-flavored Cipro. I think he may now think what most Vets who've seen Kelly come to think - she's nuts (for an Amazon.) The peanut flavoring makes Cipro nearly tolerable for most birds, but Kelly regressed and yearned for it when she was in burrito-form.

A benefit to the experience for she and I is that Kelly is no longer even remotely concerned about being toweled any longer, by me. A bird-behaviorist whom I'm reading these days says it's a healthy practice to continue to perpetuate a healthy bond, and to keep Kelly prepared should quick/emergency toweling be necessary. And she's just so damned cute when wrapped up. She lets me rub her belly and her head, and she's limp for a little while (under 30 seconds). I'm going to see if I can increase that time; see if she'll accept it as a playing scenario.

I should hear from the vet sometime today, or through Wednesday, about her blood test results. I honestly have no idea how I'm going to react.

Love and light...

Fresh in from the vet. Kelly has dropped 18 grams in weight (down from 478 to 460). This is good progress, according to Dr. Sanders, and only after 2 weeks. Her goal weight? 430 grams. I dare you to convert that into ounces and be amazed at the evolution of hollow bones....

Tonight a blood sample was taken to check for Pacheco's Virus. Pacheco's is a herpes-type virus that birds can carry, or succumb to very quickly. I'm still fuzzy on why it's either one way or the other, but it's been years since my virology lessons. I'll have the results come early next week, and I'm taming my emotions until then. Life is about today.

If it turns out Kelly has Pacheco's, in essence, it will be like having a bird with HIV. She appears healthy, acts healthy, and is healthy, but she's still got a virus that can slowly pick away at her if her immune system is compromised by another factor. Pacheco's can then flare up, much like an opportunistic infection, causing more serious issues. If she develops any other type of health issue in the future, we will have to pay closer attention to it, take it a little more seriously, get it dealt with quickly, decisively, and with great care. It's also excellent information to be armed with, her negative or positive status (as it were). Pacheco's is deadly to other birds. They could succumb within days.

If positive, Kelly will be forced to live out her days in avian isolation. This isn't too far off the mark of her daily lifestyle, but you can still empathize, I'm sure, with the idea that the option of socializing Kelly in the future is forever gone. The more heart wrenching issue is that her life-expectency is about halved. Living in ignorance these last 15 years, I believed Kelly's expected life span would be around 30 years. I learned at the vet 2 weeks ago that without Pachecho's virus as a factor, it could easily be 60-80. Now, we're back down to 30, and if her health remains pristine.

It's difficult to think about it now, much less desribe it. Tonight I told the Vet I didn't want to ask any serious questions about Pacheco's until it was 100% confirmed my baby was carrying it. But then, being the data whore I can be, I asked them anyway, and you've read what he told me already.

If you have a candle, or a moment to project your energy, please join me and mine. It would be so lovely to grow old with a little bundle of unpredictable green feathers on my shoulder.

oh shit....I shouldn't have written that...

I've been weight training this month, and came off of counting points via weight watchers. The result? I'm up 2 pounds this month, but my body feels great. Not only have I increase my exercise, but Duane and I have been eating very heathfully. Every time in the past I've started back into weight training, there's a period where I put on a pound or two or even three, most likely due to water retention in the muscles. I've not been counting points, and I've noticed I'm eating more than I did while counting, but the foods have been healthier.

Summation: the extra pounds could be from weight training, or that I'm eating a little too much. Either way, I can still modify the workouts to incorporate more cardio, and reduce the quantities I eat. Let's see what happens by the New Moon in roughly 2 weeks, and more importantly, what happens at the next Full.