Ozzfest last night at Shoreline. The great unwashed and mounds of back fat. Lackluster performances, crazed fans, lots of BO, sunburns, and ugly.

I've never seen Shoreline packed to the seams, but there we were. Part of the throng. We eventually hid in the huge bar behind the stage and watched the close-up shots of the stage on the huge monitors. And drank. And people-watched. And commented. We were bad. But it was all in good fun.

No more conerts for a while. *big sigh* Yay!

And I am ashamed (to describe my bike ride yesterday). It was great actually as it was the first time I physcially felt the results of working out again. I went up hills at a higher gear, and kept a higher average velocity going, and even backtracked and re-rode the harder parts of the course. Felt great!

Then I came home and tried very hard not to go over food points. Working out makes you hungry, dagnabbit...

Duane noticed a difference in me, physically, last night. He stopped and had a long look. "It's really noticeable, baby. You're doing it!"

8)

I have 2 evenings of shows this week, so I was trying to focus on doing my drinking this week on those nights. It didn't work. I drank 3 glasses of wine last night. Was also trying to keep towards the low-end of my points yesterday and today (in prep for said shows and alcohol/food points). But the wine upped my points to the max for the day. Worked out Saturday (weights at gym), and Sunday (kick-ass, uphill, 45" bike ride). Didn't feel as sore Monday AM as I did after last weekend - so my body is warming up to the exercise. Still a little too achy to workout Monday after work. Will do something tonight.

Heh - not doing so well keeping to my guns, but not blowing it either.

I've been on plan for 1.5 weeks, only going over my food points once and that was on purpose to shock my metabolism a little. I did the weekend warrior exercise thing last weekend, and am still feeling the repercussions. I have therefore not exercised since Sunday. I also drank a little too much last night, so I'm a little wobbly today. That's 3 days with no exercise, about to be 4. I'm going to workout Friday and Sunday, and make a pact to warm into physical activity. I've started and stopped regular exericse so often I know the tell-tale signals of overdoing it physcially, and psychologically. If I just "start" and do something every day, I'll burn out fast. So starting tomorrow I plant to do something light/moderate every other day, with maybe short/medium walks on the other days.

So, it's possible to make them, tasting here and there while you're making them, and not eat the entire batch! Imagine! I made Fairy Cakes from Nigella's cookbook, but used Butter Cream frosting and Bittersweet chocolate drizzles instead of the royal icing she suggested. The result? I have NO sweet tooth anymore, even after just smelling the concoctions and tasting the frosting with one finger on the new KitchenAid beater...all done!

I'm also fascinated that I ate a healthy dinner during the entire process and had no problem staying within my point range. This is the main reason I balked at baking before...fear I'd have no control. In future, I'll relax about baking - give some to Duane, then fatten up the coworkers the next day.

I ask you. I come home from the gym on Saturday, after having done some lunges, and ask Duane to trade asses with me cuz I knew I'd be sore in 2 days. He just looked at me funny. Now is that the kind of response you'd be waiting for? I didn't think so. You'd expect a loving partner to simply hand over the goods for yours so you could go scot free without pain. Hmph. ooowwww.... The shoulders are tender, too. Still, overall, I got that endorphine rush and will force myself to go a few more times until that rush gets addictive again.

45 minutes at the gym on Saturday, doing a light/moderate all-over body workout - slept great last night - endorphine high going all weekend - 55 minute bike ride today - gonna sleep good tonight, too

My plan for increasing exercise this month:

Weeks 1 and 2
I'll do light/moderate weight training 2x week, covering the entire body at each workout. 1 exercise, 2 sets of 12 reps, for each body part. I'll do light warm-ups/cool-downs before and after. Cardiovascularly, I'll do 2-3 bike rides a week. Each ride is a minimum of 50 minutes. So that's around 3 hours of cardio a week (the same as doing 30" cardio 5-6x week.) This is a good, beginners training regimen. If I don't get testoseroned out and overdo it at the gym, I should be able to maintain this for 2 weeks.

Weeks 3 and 4
I'll go to the gym 3x week, and focus on doing each body part 1x week, but increase the weight slightly, do 2-3 exercises per body part, 2 sets per exercise, and 8-12 reps per set. This makes sense for a beginner training regimen that steps beyond the "wake up call" overall body workouts of the first 2 weeks. And doesn't overdo it. I'll maintain the 3 hours of cario per week.

We'll see what this month of workouts, plus staying on my nutrition plan, will do over the next month.

One month has passed since I pulled up my big boy pants, stuck the tip of my tongue out the corner of my mouth in concentration, and put one foot out to start this haul towards better health...

6/17 start weight: 249.9
7/17 weigh in: 247.6
That's 2.3 pounds lost.

My thoughts:
The first 3 weeks of this month were a process of learning from mistakes, identifying some patterns, and calming down about the whole weight loss thing. Smacking my demons, as it were. I may not have subdued them, but at least I've made the little buggers line up and face me so I can eye them sternly. To follow an earlier analogy, I've looked into some of those pots on the back burner, found crusty burnt bits at the bottom or some unholy concoctions, and am considering tossing out the pots rather than trying to clean them. I ate on plan really well the last week, except eating under my minimum weekly points because of food poisoning on Tuesday. My exercise patterns need work - only 1x week on average.

My goals for the next month:
Eat on plan as best I can, drink a little less so more calories come from food rather than alchohol, and increase my exercise to 3-4x week. Nothing extreme, just some bike riding, longer walking/hiking, mild to moderate weight training, stretching, saunas, continue walking stairs only (bad elevators!). Other things to keep in mind: staying fully hydrated at all times, trying more variety in foods and altering exercise programs often to keep the body in low-level shock all month. One thing I've learned about my body - in the past, I've successfully lost some weight altering my nutrition (without exercising), and by just increasing my exercise (without altering my nutrition). When I've done both at the same time, I've seen fast results, but haven't had the gumption to stick with it simultaneoulsy.

THAT'S THE NEW GOAL. BOTH. SAME TIME. FOR A MONTH.

I have no idea what to expect at my weigh in tomorrow. I've been eating on plan all week, but being home Tuesday with food poisoning and consuming the equivalent of one simple meal that day has me with a big ? above my head.

The food poisoning also sapped my energy physically. Today (Friday) is the first day I feel normal. So my original plan to do something light every day is kaputz. One way or the other, I feel great about being on plan all week!

I pulled a pair of old jeans out yesterday and can fit into them. They'll be my test jeans over the next month or so. The looser the better over time.

So...crab. Crab is a wonderful thing: low point, high flavor, love them bottom feeders. Unfortunately I'll be avoiding it for a little while. Had a bout of food poisoning yesterday. Fortunately my plan of not going to work, eating toast, water, cottage cheese, and a high fiber cereal, a couple of 2 hour naps, and a 9 hour evening of sleep seem to have pulled me back.

Came in under 14-19 points as a result. Food was not my friend yesterday. The good news? I'm hungry. The better news? Not *that* hungry. A bit wobbly, but much much better.

Just hoping coming in under points won't muck up my progress this week in face of my monthly weigh in this Saturday...

I've discovered that I have "black out" periods regarding food choices. I can be completely gung-ho about staying on plan on Sunday, do beautifully on Monday, even into Tuesday, but on Wednesday I could find myself at home, after work eating unheatlhy foods and 3/4 through a bottle of wine. After the requisite "Doh!" and a slap to the forehead, I go through a self-chastisement phase where I say to myself "You're just not being serious about this, Adam!" Followed, by self-loathing, and a sense of repeated failure. I then drop into a minor (sometimes major) depression about it all, and by the time I'm over that, it's the weekend.

The reality is that I'm serious about eating better, and getting into better shape, but lose track rapidly under high-stress. You see, that Wednesday at work might have really really sucked, and a very old pattern of behavior kicked in and the autonomic directives are: "get home, eat/drink for endorphines, forget the day". And it's only when I'm calmer that my front-burner thought patterns re-emerge, and the damage has been done. The resulting depression and lack of gung-ho is what I now recognize as one of my biggest hurdles. Bless meriko for pointing out that I have excellent will-power (when I remain conscious of it) but need to focus even harder when I fall off the wagon.

This is a very very old pattern I remember occuring for years and years. Now that I'm voicing it out, pinning it to the wall as it were, I hope to be able to discard it very soon.

I've really been off and on with journaling food, and getting regular exercise. A lot's been going on, and some of it's been suprisingly stressful, but I have been learning to pay attention to patterns that make me make bad food/drink choices, or keep me from exercising. I hear these are the first, important steps, so I may not be thrilled with my progress, but I'm confident I'm making some. My first monthly weigh in is on the 17th. Gonna try to be really really good over the next week.

leg-barnacle: n. [leg + barnacle] any of large, long-limbed mammalians, mostly humanoid, prone to clutching the leg of nearest, adored similar-humanoid persons with full arm/leg hug using similar-humanoid's foot as resting point. Walking usually encumbered.

I was leaving for work this morning, and felt decidedly dissatisfied with something. It took all of 2 seconds to figure out what that was. The reason has been in my noggin for weeks. I do things half-assed. A lot. It has to do with that "backburner" issue I was talking about, I think. It appears I have more back there than on the front burners. Does this make sense? Kind of? That's OK. It only kind of makes sense to me either, but the idea that I'm very interested in change resounds in my head, so this process of figuring stuff out is very very good - important.

Please check this blog as often as you remember to. I need to be pestered when I don't have entries. I need to be held accountable by people I care about. People who'll be supportive and non-judgemental. I feel like I'm on the verge of opening Pandora's warehouse. And I'm not quite sure what's inside. I just know that I'm really really very phsycially and emotionally exhausted leaning against the door to keep it closed. *sigh* I'm happy, though. Happier than I have been in years. But that happiness came because I finally have wonderful things in my life I've wanted and worked hard for for years. Now that I can look elsewhere...I'm seeing what's been neglected, nay left on a backburner, for a very long time. Crappy seguey...

I've been reading online blogs of people who are successfully redefining how they handle dis-ease in their bodies. These people are not half-assed. They're serious. They're speaking a language that sounds vaguely familiar to me. I feel like a kid who was born in a place where they speak one language, but moved away and learned to speak another. I see their success, I can read about it. I can't feel it however - lack of experience I guess. I need to return to my training, how I was educated. I was educated as a scientist and know the only way to document anything worth documenting is to have proof of it. Soon, I'll be upgrading this blog to have various new sections: the edible grimoire, the mobile grimoire, and the thinking grimoire. Food/Exercise/Journal. I need to track my efforts. Ideas/Successes/Failures. Most of all, I need to feel accountable to *myself*.

OK. I'm at work. I'm working. I should be, that is. I'll go. Keep reading!

Hairspray - I recommend it, but you probably knew I would. They even made room for a short monologue where Edna Turnblad shot off some good one-liners to we SF-ites. Opening scene? A giant bed in a 60s-teenage girl's bedroom standing on-end (picture the audience hovering over her bed looking straight down) as young Tracy wakes up and belts it from beneath the sheets.

A six-pack of Fat Tire (D kept it a surprise until I unwrapped the liquor store's plain brown wrapper) in Golden Gate Park while we watched ducks scoot about in green waters, skunks wobble across the paths, and great white herons coasting in over our heads to hobnob with the duck parades.

Dinner at the Blue Muse on Gough. It sounded familiar for various reasons, but only when I saw the place did it all click. meriko has mentioned it before, and it turns out I've been there back in when during its incarnation as a piano bar catering to many a-Gay man with my father and his then-current co-hort. Prawns Venice over onions suffused with lemon grass, black pepper and garlic, saffron rice, and steamed green beans. D had a Peppered Rib Eye and it melted on the tongue. He had a Greek Salad you wanted to hit on, and I had a mildly dry caesar - I kind of like them dry now that I've experienced it. I had a glass of Pinot Grigio of indeterminate origin, but it was very very tasty. And we ate bread! With butter....*drool* Then we made our way home and enjoyed a quiet evening.

Had breakfast at the Millbrae Pancake House after finding ourselves pulled over in front of a good ol' fashioned fireworks stand on El Camino. We bought the Nite Thriller Package, a brick of "California Blooms", and a 6-pack of Picollo Pete's. Avoid the Pete's. They're the one's that do nothing but make that screeching noise you hear for miles. A nice quiet afternoon, then off to Mark's in SJ where we played with fire and blew things up in a fine American tradition. Boom! Pretty!

been on plan a full week and managed to fall off once - and get back on!
for those in the know, that was my hardest hurdle, getting back up once I fell off the wagon

yay me!