A few years ago I practiced a year-long weight training program that cycled you through strength training, muscle growth training, cardio training, then outdoor versions of all of the above during the Summer. It even went into nutrition and supplementation. In the past few years, I've learned that supplementation can help, but only to a degree, and that nutrition is 80% of success. My hurdle back then was sticking with the training and nutrition goals simultaneously. I was always very good with one, and usually pretty sucky with the other. I've been warming back into weight training of late, exercise in general actually, and have decided to have another go. But this time, do it all simultaneously.

The inherent challenge was always combining heavy training with the idea of also losing weight. Two goals, requiring different types of nutrition. It makes sense to many that if you want to lose weight, you eat sensibly. Yet all data on weight training says to eat "right" but eat "more" because your body needs the extra calories to rebuild muscle tissue. This conflict always caught me off guard. But what I've learned from counting points via weight watchers is that you can choose foods that specifically address both needs. Leaner proteins, fewer carbohydrates (or keep them low in quanity, high in quality), and eat them at appropriate times before/after workouts based on when your body needs them for energy vs. repair. It's a little complicated to organize in your head, but once it's habit, it's gravy. Mmmm....graaaavy.....

A nice weekend includes:
--waking up Saturday full of beans and being a goof for no reason
--a bird playing your sidekick
--good news from a real estate financial advisor
--a sister showing up for the weekend
--a flank-steak sandwich with balsalmic-onion sauce and provolone
--drinking 2 bottles of wine on the floor with your mom and sister
--your sexy hubby showing up soon after
--a dance recital starring one of your oldest friends
--a kick ass caesar, scallops wrapped in prosciutto, crostini, and riggatoni with eggplant, fennel, and portobello shrooms
--a 2002 Coppola Claret, and a 2002 Coppola Rosé
--granola and a blueberry smoothie for breakfast
--a quick trip to the gym
--good feelings while organizing
--getting loopy bundled up in the cold darkness staring at a near full moon and seeing shooting stars
--lime daquiris
--hot dogs!

now that's one I'll remember :)

An excerpt from today's DailyOM:
"The law of Leela states that maximum productivity or efficiency is gained when our minds are relaxed and playful. When we let go of our adult defenses, we can make room for self-exploration and creative expression."

This stopped me this morning. The first mental hiccup occurred reading "maximum productivity or efficiency", which surfaced a fear I realized the other day I was harboring: a fear of not living up to my potential. But that's another story. The second hiccup occurred when I read on to interpret that we create illusionary patterns in our life which bind us into certain behavioral expectations of ourselves. What's right, what's wrong, how we should act, what's expected of us, how we think others perceive us, etc. Read on if you'd like to take in the entire message, but it just struck me to be reminded I *always* have the option of living up to my own potential, at every moment of the day. Blimey.

January 20, 2005
Playing Your Part
Law Of Leela

You can learn a lot about life by spending time with the children in your life. Children are always in the process of learning from the world around them, but they rarely do it in a conscious, methodic way. While sliding at the park or watching a worm crawl under a rock, kids make connections and understand things. Their artwork is often amazingly bold and complex, as they use their informal learning to be productive. Watching children, we are actually watching the law of Leela, one of the spiritual truths taught in Hinduism. The law of Leela states that maximum productivity or efficiency is gained when our minds are relaxed and playful. When we let go of our adult defenses, we can make room for self-exploration and creative expression.

In Indian tradition, the creation of the world is a form of divine play - Leela. Likewise, our entire existence in the world is mired in illusion. It may help to think of it in terms of a stage play in which we are all actors. Just as a play begins and ends, so does life. What matters most is how we "act" during the course of the production. Instead of wishing for the best part, we would do better to accept our karma and play our own part using all our resources. Understanding that there is an illusionary aspect to the world, helps us have a sense of detachment from our lives. Following the law of Leela, we don't expend too much energy facing challenges and problems. Instead, we feel that 'the show must go on' and we return to our playful natures. When we feel ourselves return to this state, we are most able to accept our fate and create our lives.

Leela is the practice of playing the game of life consciously. You can connect to the law of Leela by becoming aware of your own playful nature. Getting involved in theater, musical expression or any forms of dance can allow you to enter into a space for creative expression. Working with or caring for children will also allow you to drop those grown-up defenses and relax your mind. Simultaneously a form of relaxation and a method of enlightenment, connecting to the Leela in the world may help you face challenges in a new and satisfying way.

Sometimes it's the little things that lift weight from your shoulders, when you realize they're finally gone. I have a running task list at work, one for each calendar year, and January is always a little stressful because I have one running for the new year as well as the old, which still holds a few items waiting for completion.

I got to cross off the last item from my 2004 list this morning. Big sigh of relief - it's nice to finish up the old, and start with the new. Even if it is work.

I've refound my love of historical biographies. Memoirs of a Geisha has reminded me of my love of historical Japan. At a very early age I became enamored with Japan, it's historical culture, and the Japanese language. I watched Shogun the first time it came out on television (when I was 10 or something), and every time it aired again, and took 3 years of Japanese in high school. I'm still delving into the "why's" of my fascination, but what struck me the other day was the sense of familiarity I get whenever I see pictures or read stories of older Japan. Modern Japan does little for this sense, which makes me further believe I've been to Japan, but in the past.

from DailyOM
Honoring Your Body

Our physical body is an amazing, beautiful machine with the ability to perform incredible feats, heal itself, and serve us well into our later years. When we honor our body, we honor that which created us. We honor the divine. Therefore, it's important to appreciate, nurture, and respect our bodies.

Honor your body by thanking it for it all its does for you. No matter what shape your body is in, it has served you well for many years. Even if you'd rather be thinner, more muscular, or even taller, be grateful for the body you have. Everyday, give yourself a pat on the back that you can walk, talk, laugh, dance, sing, all the things that you might take for granted.

Give your body the best in terms of food, exercise, and care. Choosing to eat wholesome, healthy foods, even if they cost a little more because they're organic, is a good investment for long-term health. If supplements are helpful, include them in your diet. Your body needs the proper fuel to function well and deserves the best nutrients that you can afford.

Exercise daily. Your body wants and needs to move. Just thirty minutes a day of walking can be beneficial. Likewise, if you exercise regularly, be sure not to overdo it so that you don't stress joints and ligaments. Allow any injuries to fully heal and give your body the rest it needs by getting enough sleep.

Treat your body with relaxing baths, facials, massages, and proper medical care. Practice good hygiene and see a doctor and dentist regularly. Meditate to allow your body to de-stress and rejuvenate. A healthy body includes a sharp mind; so continue to challenge your mind with new experiences.

Your body will tell you what it needs if you just listen. At times, your mind and emotions may be confused, but your body doesn't lie. Pay attention to what feels good and bad and how your body reacts to certain situations and people. Generally when your body feels light, things are right. When you feel tense and uneasy, there's a reason.

"A nickel will get you on the subway, but garlic will get you a seat." -New York Yiddish Proverb

It's 3:30 in the morning. Are you sleeping? Wish I was.

The insomnia is my fault. I drank too much this evening, then ate too much, now the metabolism is firing away, and the gastrointestinal system is cranky. So rather than struggle with my body temperature and fidgeting in bed, keeping Duane awake, here I am.

Going back to my "realizations" posting 4 days ago, I realize I have an issue with staying on plan. That issue is alcohol. I had a glass of wine this evening, then had a cocktail, and the expected result was a good buzz. Then a 2nd cocktail, then a 3rd, and then judgement went, and then a healthy dinner was followed by chocolate, and then a hard crash followed by 2 hours of sleep. Then I lay awake in bed with an unsettled stomach, and a body temperature doing the yoyo, and my head starting in on the "why did you do that" which further kept me awake as the self-degradation started. I decided to get up and write this out rather than maintain that viscous cycle.

I think I need to stop drinking. After one drink, I want another, and then a 3rd, and well - you read what happened above. I drank pretty hard over the holidays, and reducing seems harder at this point than just not drinking at all.

I'm going to try abstinence for a little while. I'm not going to declare for how long because ultimately I'm not sure how long it will take for me to feel normal again. I just have a need to detox. I'm given to extremes, so I know this kind of backlash is a pattern of mine, but I'm very consciously aware of how much I've been drinking since the holidays, and frankly it's a little alarming.

So, in light of my new nutritional and fitness goals, and my intense desire to reach my goal weight by June, I'm going to detox, not drink for a while, get plenty of exercise, eat right, and finally get a normal sleeping pattern back.

Please do excuse the crappy writing - it is, after all, freakin late.

I'm seriously considering spending the next 6 weeks teaching myself to ice cakes. The idea is to make my niece's 3rd birthday from scratch. Of course, catching flies while staring at a professioanl bakers' supply website is responsible. But who could resist numbered cake pans!

Two days in, doing well. I've started a thing or two on my uberlist, and I've been eating on plan for 2 days. It's funny how after drinking daily for nearly a month (*ahem* to near or complete excess) it takes a day or two for your body to remember how to sleep normally. It remembered hard last night. Ah, bed. How I miss thee.

And the weirdest, creepiest black van on record was spied on 280 this AM with "Snail Jail" on the side. And of course, I looked it up. Did you know you can catch slugs with beer?

When I get inebriated, while I'm hungry, I lose focus on my goals. I just care less about them and it's easier to fall off the wagon.

I have a habit of eating late at night after drinking enough to get tipsy, or approaching inebriated. I should start making/eating dinner earlier in the evening, and spend my evening digesting while doing other things.

I'm very excited about this new year. In part because I've actually planned for it by carefully considering how I'd like to affect change in my own world. I'm confident I can make myself even happier with just a little effort and get some much-needed life-long tasks accomplished, and throw in a few ingredients of goodness to make the trip that much more fun.

I've built an uberlist for 2005. It's below. I'll be keeping track of it during the year, and if you like, you can, too. I'll be keeping it updated and you can watch what I've accomplished, or added, or modified, as time goes on.

body
1. starting weight of 248.6 stays your new maximum weight
2. weigh 220 or less, or fit into any 36" pants, by June 4th
3. weigh yourself every full moon
4. private.
5. when 220, find a General Practitioner and get a physical
6. choose the gym over a video game more often than not
7. choose the gym over alcohol as a stress reliever more often than not
8. make the gym a happy choice, not a "goal" or "habit"
9. start running
10. get used to reaching that runner's high you remember
11. stretch before and after workouts
12. stay religious about grooming
13. stay religious with your oral hygiene
14. private.
15. private.
16. start a spiritual/physical class of some kind
17. private.
18. weather permitting, ride your bike after work
19. more than once a week
20. morning sun salutations
21. drink less coffee during the day, more green tea

spirit
1. meditate every day, even just a few moments
2. make a moment with a candle, daily
3. find a peace with Dad, end the habitual bitterness
4. read, respond, act upon your causes
5. make a date with yourself. once a month.
6. be nicer to yourself
7. build that garden altar and use it
8. recognize the small stuff, sweat it less

home
1. collect cards so you can get better about sending them to family/friends
2. label iPhoto pictures, scan/import hard copies of all pictures
3. organize iPhoto shots into albums
4. entertain at home once a month
5. be diligent cleaning Kelly's cage
6. buy Kelly a new toy more often
7. take Kelly to the vet every 6 months for wing/nail clips
8. plant something new each month
9. don't feel guilty tossing older plants who've had their time
10. have dinner with Mom once a month
11. make dinner with meriko once or twice a month
12. read the Alton Brown book "I'm Just Here for More Food"
13. make one recipe from each section, paying attention to the METHOD, and why it works
14. return what you borrow in a timely manner
15. stay on top of your finances. all the time. no excuses.
16. buy a house with Duane
17. host the family and play train. at least 3 times.
18. teach Duane to shuck oysters
19. get yourself a nice formal jacket
20. put money away for a dinner at the French Laundry
21. clear Mom's space of your left-behind items

growth
1. cook and bake fearlessly more often
2. take a cooking class
3. take someone with you
4. pick a language CD with Duane, learn it in the car
5. practice it with Duane
6. read more often
7. get your remaining spirit books read already
8. accept more invitations. don't be afraid to go alone.
9. private.

out there
1. go to NY with Duane
2. visit the Getty museum
3. take a trip on a train
4. visit your grandmother
5. visit the kids in Sacramento more often, not just on holidays
6. take Duane camping in Yosemite. he keeps talking about it.
7. go to Alaska. anywhere. any season.
8. visit Duane's mom and sister in Idaho
9. visit Dad in New Mexico
10. go to MOMA
11. don't turn down Symphony tickets
12. buy your own
13. picnic with Duane at the Sutro baths
14. visit the wave organ in SF's sutro baths
15. go to Angel Island
16. take your bike
17. travel outside the US

create
1. create 14 healthy, point-oriented meals and put them in Recipe Manager
2. start a portrait
3. start a comic strip
4. buy a favorite drawing pen and sketch
5. about once a week
6. make something from the French Laundry cookbook
7. make a paté
8. make a cake and decorate it, fancy
9. make ravioli from scratch
10. make cream puffs, or eclairs
11. start a reading journal, stay with it
12. post to gastronome more often
13. blog more often
14. make a signature cocktail with my homemade raspberry vodka
15. experiment with heirloom tomato recipes this summer
16. make jam/preserves this summer

minutia for happiness
1. get yourself a cool rain hat
2. find a digital camera you like and start taking pictures religiously
3. go to the Farmer's Market in SF more often
4. give baked goods for gifts
5. learn to make bath bombs
6. teach Duane
7. send thank you notes
8. make time and plan for birthday gifts
9. send little somethings to June and Quinn now and then
10. buy yourself some nice shoes
11. take care of them religiously
12. buy a new piece of clothing every month
13. have an oyster fest
14. cable car to irish coffees at the Buena Vista, where they invented them
15. buy new dishes
16. scan your uberlist
17. repeat

Sitting here in clean (relatively) house, the weather outside dubious, but still beautiful. (aside: I'm thrilled about the weather these days. Storms, bright clean sunshine, storms, repeat.) Out of bed this morning around 11:45 am. No hangover. Just tired, but very very happy with what caused it.

Mom arrived around 4:30, without wine, which was a surprise. But it was a good thing, cause it led to the opening of a Pinot Noir I've been waiting to taste.

Into the intense rain for a 6:00 reservation. A tall, dark waiter just on this side of smarmy with his jazzy baritone and penchant for saying "fabulous choice". Slightly rushed to catch the show in SF, we plowed through the restaurant's 5 courses nye menu. An appetizer plate each of grapes, smoked salmon, and a porcini mini-quiche of some sort, then a spicy tiger shrimp soup, a black squid ink pasta dish, lobster ravioli, beef tenderloin, steamed spinach, veal scallopini, salmon, and crunchy little bite-sized potatoes. A Rutherford Sauvignon, peroni beer for Duane, and a Sidecar I snuck in there somewhere. Dessert was an orange creme-anglaise, tiramisu (actually the best I've had), and a vanilla bean ice cream with espresso-grappo poured over the top (hic.) And champagne to boot. Bread and fun conversation to soak up the excess and off to SF...

Avoiding the dunken thrall on the roads with a Bart ride into SF. A short, but brisk, walk into the very bowels of the New Conservatory Theater. A raucous, bawdy, outrageous performance of the Kinsey Sicks at 10:00. Fifteen minutes before midnight, they stopped their show and ad-libbed for the next 45 minutes. Passed out noise-makers and jaunted with the audience. Sang with us at midnight. Pure fun. Mom and I were the loudest laughers in the audience. No surprise there 8) Crawled home by 1:30 am. Long sleep.

It's been a long time since I had a nye night of that much fun. Wouldn't trade it.