September 24, 2004
I'll set the scene - you tell me the story, ok?
7:20am, Friday morning.
2 MINI Coopers (one red with a white top, the other black with a checkered top) are racing down 280, southbound. The early morning sun is rising higher and higher to the left of the windshield. They play tag with a large maroon Hummer.
Posted by shock at September 24, 2004 09:28 AM
the pure metal evil of the hummer is so densely concentrated that when faced with the unbearable cuteness and goodness of the minis, it explodes, setting off a psychic chain reaction that blows up all the hummers in the country. no one is hurt besides those that drive hummers. and also, anyone that wears hummer cologne has their skin melted off. THE END.
(sfx: triumphant music)
REDMINI: "Form Hands and arms!"
(REDMINI flies up into the air, and all those lines that indicate fast movement in anime come into the background)
BLACKMINI: "Form legs and feet!"
(BLACKMINI also flies up, and the aforementioned background lines are again seen as the car..transforms!)
REDMINI and BLACKMINI transform together and join amidst crackling energy!
(sfx of crickets as Hummer speeds and gets the Hell Out Of There)
REDMINI: "Where's our head, dude?"
BLACKMINI: "Dude, where's our head?"
REDMINI: "This is silly. We need to get a head."
BLACKMINI: "Hahaah you just said-"
REDMINI: "Ssssh! Let's go to something like...an appliance store!"
Scene: Fry's Electronics
GUY: "Can I help you?"
REDMINI: "Yeah we need something robot-head-sized, please."
GUY: "Er, why don't you have a head?"
BLACKMINI: "Well, Carrie doesn't commute to SJ very often, so we're one cooper short of a-"
GUY: "Well, I have a front-loading dryer here that looks like it'd fit."
REDMINI: "Is it an 'Energy Star'? We're trying to promote energy efficiency here.."
GUY: "Oh, yes! And there's even a Japanese Washer/Dryer combo that uses 1/3 less energy than that!"
BLACKMINI: "We'll take it!"
Scene: Andronico's, San Jose
(HUMMEROWNER is pushing a cart of groceries)
REDMINIBLACKMINI: "ENGAGE TWO-FISTED SMITE-PUNCH OF COMPACT-CAR RIGHTOUSNESS!"
(the maroon hummer is reduced to a heap of burning slag)
REDMINIBLACKMINI: "ENGAGE FIRE-SAFETY FEATURE!"
(Japanese washer/dryer combo douses flame with 4 gallons of water and biodegradable detergent)
HUMMEROWNER: "What in God's name are you doing?"
BLACKMINI: "Revenge is a dish best served globally warm, jerky!"
HUMMEROWNER: "Wtf? This is America, buddy! If i want to drive 20 miles to get $2 off on paper towels, then it's my God-given right, okay, I-EEEEEEAAARRRGGGGH!"
(Hummerowner grows 2,000 times larger!)
REDMINIBLACKMINI: "Oh shit!"
JAPANESE WASHER/DRYER COMBO: "Glug!"
(continued next time jd wants to tell a story...)