The Borogove Sofa Tick (Ixodes Lectulus):
A common parasite in the Wabe, the sofa tick makes its home on the host's couch, consuming home-made biscuits, stinky cheese, pomegranate vodka, chipotle sauce, and pie. Since it cannot move on its own, it poses no health risk.

Thank you SO much, jD & Logan! We love him - he settled right in, as you can see.