April 30, 2006
help?

So, the NewJob(tm) starts on Monday. One of the first tasks: turn a crusty old lab into a functional, fun & stylish collaborative workspace. It'll be the mainworking area for a bunch of quality engineers (from usability/functional QA through low-level & performance engineers). I have some budget, and a lot of leeway. Anyone have ideas? Books they'd recommend? Websites full of interesting info on open workspaces? Spill!

Posted by shock at 08:19 AM
April 18, 2006
milestone

Last night I sent an email to the department I've worked in for nearly 11 years, saying that I've taken a new job.

Yikes! Time for a new adventure...

addendum: Yep, still at the purveyor of fine electronic fruit. They can't get rid of me that easily!

Posted by shock at 07:27 AM
April 15, 2006
observant

So, there's this thing about me. Once, it was the foundation of what made me a scientist. Today, it's a cornerstone of who I am professionally. It (not alone) critically defines me; it is part and parcel of my character.

I observe. Tonight's observation, focused inward:

If I could find my way to care less, a great many things would be a great deal easier. And yet, if I cared less, I wouldn't really be me. Conundrum. (No Derrick, my dear, not the wine. ;) )

Posted by shock at 09:49 PM
April 12, 2006
YetMoreAdvice

This week, she tells me:
Oh, the frustration! Itís going to hit new levels this week. Sometimes, Virgo, you got to take the bull by the horns. You got to say, "Bull, quit being so pushy!" The bull will glare at you. The bull will judge you. You just say, "Whatevs, Bull." I mean, everyone knows that bull is an asshole. And the time was right for you to call it out.

Posted by shock at 07:09 PM
April 11, 2006
school night

she went over to his apartment
clutching her decision
and he said, did you come here to tell me goodbye?
so she built a skyscraper of procrastination
and then she leaned out the twenty-fifth floor window
of her reply
and she felt like an actress
just reading her lines
when she finally said
yes. it's really goodbye this time
and far below was the blacktop
and the tiny toy cars
and it all fell so fast
and it all fell so far

and she said:
you are a miracle but that is not all
you are also a stiff drink and i am on call
you are a party and i am a school night
and i'm lookin' for my door key
but you are my porch light

and you'll never know, dear
just how much i loved you
you'll probably think this was
just my big excuse
but i stand committed
to a love that came before you
and the fact that i adore you
is but one of my truths

what of the mother
whose house is in flames
and both of her children
are in their beds crying
and she loves them both
with the whole of her heart
but she knows she can only
carry one at a time?
she's choking on the smoke
of unthinkable choices
she is haunted by the voices
of so many desires
she's bent over from the business
of begging forgiveness
while frantically running around
putting out fires

but then what kind of scale
compares the weight of two beauties
the gravity of duties
or the ground speed of joy?
tell me what kind of gauge
can quantify elation?
what kind of equation
could i possibly employ?
and you'll never know, dear
just how much i loved you
you probably think this was
just my big excuse
but i stand committed
to a love that came before you
and the fact that i adore you
is just one of my truths

so i
i'm goin' home
to please the one i so love pleasing
and i don't expect
he'll have much sympathy for my grieving
but i guess that this is the price
that we pay for the privilege
of living for even a day
in a world with so many things
worth believing
in

--ani d.

Posted by shock at 12:58 PM
April 10, 2006
more advice

"Welcome to our crash course in how much you can and cannot control things, Virgo. We think youíve been enrolled in this particular program before, but hey, sometimes it takes a few tries for information to really sink in. Your homework: cultivating humility in a way that doesnít diminish your vitality."

Posted by shock at 02:38 PM
April 09, 2006
excise; empty

I finally caved and admitted that I couldn't save the fuschias in the backyard from the fuschia mites. I've been trying for about a year, but it was finally time to face the music and let them go. I pulled them out - now there's a big blank spot in my garden.

Posted by shock at 05:02 PM
April 08, 2006
in review

In the last 7 days I ...

... cooked a weeks worth of food to welcome y'all home
... sent flowers
... sat squarely in the middle of intense emotions
... was grateful you are alive
... was angry as hell at the woman who hit you
... cried everywhere
... weighed my options
... displaced some energy into sticks and strings
... hid in your arms
... asked my boss's boss for a helicopter, a better uniform, and a SWAT team
... missed you and the little miss tremendously

(I confess I've been pretty insular this week. Things are rough. I'll be back soon, I promise.)

Posted by shock at 11:34 AM
April 05, 2006
hat shaped hat

i'm not gonna be afraid
(don't be afraid)
i'm not gonna be afraid
(don't be afraid)
i won't be afraid
to let my
to let my talents shine
i'm not gonna be afraid, no i will not be afraid
(i will not be afraid),
i will not be afraid
to let my talents shine
i will not be afraid to let my talents shine

in walked a man in the shape of a man
holding a hat-shaped hat
and he held up two fingers and said "how many fingers?"
and i said, "peace man, that's where it's at."
i said, you are what you do in order to
prevent becoming what you're busy not doing
and if you do do it truly
and you arrive at it newly
then in the end you are absolved
and the problem of heaven is solved
and the man broke into a smile
like he was breaking into song....

--ani d.

Posted by shock at 07:18 AM
April 04, 2006
like a you or a me

maggie and millie and molly and may
went down to the beach (to play one day)

and maggie discovered a shell that sang
so sweetly she couldn't remember her troubles,and

millie befriended a stranded star
who's rays five languid fingers were;

and molly was chased by a horrible thing
which raced sideways while blowing bubbles:and

may came home with a smooth round stone
as small as a world and as large as alone.

for whatever we lose (like a you or a me)
it's always ourselves we find in the sea.

--ee cummings

Posted by shock at 08:03 AM
April 02, 2006
that moment

... but the moment you feel, you're nobody-but-yourself.

To be nobody-but-yourself ó in a world which is doing its best, night and day, to make you everybody else ó means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight; and never stop fighting.

--ee cummings

(the full piece is below the break.)

A poet is somebody who feels, and who expresses his feelings through words. This may sound easy, but it isnít. A lot of people think or believe or know they feel ó but thatís thinking or believing or knowing; not feeling. And poetry is feeling ó not knowing or believing or thinking.

Almost anybody can learn to think or believe or know, but not a single human being can be taught to feel. Why? Because whenever you think or you believe or you know, youíre a lot of other people: but the moment you feel, youíre nobody-but yourself.

To be nobody-but-yourself ó in a world which is doing its best, night and day, to make you everybody else ó means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight; and never stop fighting.

As for expressing nobody-but-yourself in words, that means working just a little harder than anybody who isnít a poet can possibly imagine. Why? Because nothing is quite as easy as using words like somebody else. We all of us do exactly this nearly all of the time - and whenver we do it, we are not poets. If, at the end of your first ten or fifteen years of fighting and working and feeling, you find youíve written one line of one poem, youíll be very lucky indeed.

And so my advice to all young people who wish to become poets is: do something easy, like learning how to blow up the world ó unless youíre not only willing, but glad, to feel and work and fight till you die.

Does this sound dismal? It isnít.
Itís the most wonderful life on earth.
Or so I feel.

--ee cummings

Posted by shock at 11:31 AM